Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Super Fun School Projects (Sarcasm intentional)

Part of the Kindergarten process is a little something called "Family Projects." These "projects" are sent home via the child’s book bag with usually a two week window for completion. I have had great joy (mostly) assisting Evan with the last 4. They were the following:

1) About Me - A project designed to get to know Evan. Sent home was a large 12x12 thick card stock where he could color, draw, write, cut pictures, use family photos help describe himself. This was a great project because it was a) the first and we were all excited and involved and b) Evan went with a family photo to paste on his project that showed off my great summer tan thus making me look less tired and neurotic (oh how I miss you summer tan).
2) Next up, "The Friendly Pumpkin". Yes,your basic decorating pumpkin project. This one was also great because it was simple and easy. It was however a bit more rushed since it was done the morning of and I would like to personally thank whoever came up with the concept of glitter glue because boy oh boy can that jazz up a pumpkin last minute.  It even stays put when you hold the pumpkin project out the window when driving to school so it dries faster. Props!
3) The "I am not a Turkey” Turkey. Ah, yes we are still talking about this one. This one was to date the trickiest and um, "creative." The general concept was create a Turkey that doesn't look like a Turkey so it isn't caught, shot and butchered for Thanksgiving dinner. Okay so those weren't the exact instructions but general concept still applied. I was a little bit more on my game with this one as I discovered it in the bottom of Evan’s book bag a bit wrinkled only TWO nights prior to its due date (yes I did). Hat’s off to his creativity though. Because the morning of school, where he was finishing up the minor details, (I know this because he insisted on showing me while I was in the shower and refused to leave until I ohohhed and ahhhed over his "Non-Turkey.” I wish I had a photo to show you (of the turkey not of me in the shower) but alas, do not. But I can sweet readers describe: Note all pictures he used came from cutting out photos from various magazine's:

Turkey Head - A Pineapple (large green stalk included)
Turkey Body - A Volkswagen Bug
Turkey arms - Two fishes (he also embellished with dried spaghetti) isn't he brilliant?
Turkey feet – Unknown, although my best guess, is a cut up photo of a food dish because I sort of recognized an avocado a grape and a bunch of orange mushy stuff.  It made for unique feet at least I thought so while I looked at it lovingly with a head full of shampoo.

Well, here we are to January. Meek, dark, depressing January. What is this month's project you ask? Well let me show you. Well, first let me tell you, then I will show you.
This month's project, "A Snowman," Set the scene of winter and make a snowman. Sent home were several colors of construction paper and more instructions on how the children are NOT to use scissors. No, this project involved "tearing" to work on their fine motor skills, "Tear out a snowman so it looks more real" the note read.
I would like to pause here and announce that Evan is not only full aware on how to tear he might just be the best 'tearer upper' I have ever met. Once again I know this because I LIVE with him, and I am still recovering from him tearing up a photo book I gave him on his 2nd birthday of Fire Trucks.
'Look Evan we can read this every night before bed."
"See the shiny red trucks?"
More drooling and then Grabbing of book and crinkling pages.

Out of sheer love and devotion I let him sleep with the book that night. The next morning I found him covered in little tiny pieces of what was the book EVERYWHERE. I still, every now and then when I vacuum his room, find tiny pieces of fire trucks.... Oh it hurts to talk about it, but MY POINT IS he is very good at tearing, so I was a bit peeved at this project. I told Evan what to do and he was on his own with the creation. The only thing I may have suggested was him to give it some sort of detail (hat..scarf...etc..)But other than that I said nothing.

The final project looked like this:

Great, I now own a serial killer.
Not just any serial killer but a angry, throat slashing, serial killer.
So looking at the clock I had exactly 4 minutes to try and rectify the murdered snowman to look something less …. “Murdery”
I also decided to ask Evan he thought it looked okay, get a feel if he too noticed... oh I don’t know.... BLOOD spurting form his throat.

“Um, Evan, sweetie, How do you think your snowman looks?”
“Uh huh, well do you think he looks happy?"
"Sure Mom."
Well, sweetie Mommy thinks your snowman has a boo boo.”
“A Boo boo?”
"Yeah see here.?" As I pointed to the throat.
Please oh please notice the boo boo… Please recognize a slashed victim and have a sense of sorrow of some kind.
“Cool.” He replies.
"No not cool. You don’t want to take a bleeding snowman into school do you?”
“But Mommy that is his scarf."
"So clearly you don't see him bleeding to death?"
"Can I have more cereal?"
"Oh never mind never mind."

So I had to think and think quick.  From former experience I think best while inhaling a power bar, gulping coffee and shouting orders at the children to go brush their teeth before school.  This was no exception.  With power bar clenched between my teeth, I did a whirlwind of my pantry and found a red plastic bag that wasn't quite so "blood red"  That was gong to have to do.  I did some quick editing and made Evan draw the poor thing a hat and add some sunshine to this sad looking dude. 

New Final project looks like this:

A bit better wouldn't you say?   I am very excited to see what February's project will be.  I bet it will have something to do with bleeding hearts.  Oh how neat!!  Evan will have a leg up on that one.  If and when he is home from Christian Boarding "Boot Camp" by then.  I will miss him...

1 comment:

  1. LOL :) I cannot even TELL you how much I HATE school projects!!!! With 2 in kindergarten (and 1 in 2nd grade) I hold my breath every day when I open their backpacks, praying it's not time for another project!



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